Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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