filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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