When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
