Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
