Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
