so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
