he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Nicole vs. Life
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
The uberlube is also flammable
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
