She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
