My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
