they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
