i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
