she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My vagina is very pro this idea
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
