Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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