My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
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