That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
