Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize