are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
