and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
