If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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