the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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