I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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