I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
