Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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