It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
