yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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