The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
