I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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