Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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