It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
