he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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