Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize