i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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