i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i just had sex bonerless
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
