You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Life is so much better after having sex.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
