you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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