the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
