I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
