Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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