No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
