Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
