so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
