dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
