You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
