did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
