This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
