never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I want to be your penis for a week.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
