She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
