Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
