you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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