I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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