Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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