Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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