dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
we're making bets on your personal life
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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