Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
