Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
