It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
