Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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