Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
