I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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