sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
