Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
