So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize