My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
