I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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