I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize