do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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