Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize