can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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