his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
