I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
