Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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