You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just invented taco cereal.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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