Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
